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Friday 9 August 2013

Do you know how to say No?


Pride and Prejudice (1995) Poster


I've never been very good at saying No.  The little Yes word slides out of my mouth before my brain assesses the implications. Yes, I'll work on my day off, yes I'll come to your grandmother's ninetieth birthday party, yes I'll attend one of those jewellery parties where they sell cheap looking pieces at exorbitant prices. So I was fascinated to read this week of a survey of 350,000 books published in Britain between 1800 and the year 2000 which shows a huge decline in the words 'duty' and 'obligation' in the body of the text. No-one told me that these had gone out of fashion...

The survey, carried out at the University of California in Los Angeles, quotes the inimitable Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice fending off an unwelcome invitation from  Lady Catherine de Bourgh. 'I am much obliged to your ladyship for your kind invitation, but it is not in my power to accept it. I must be in town next Saturday.'  Now why didn't I think of that?

Not surprisingly  it seems the words  'choose' and 'get' have increased  in latter years as well as, more significantly, the word 'feel,' a reflection perhaps, of our so-called touchy feely society. Professor Patricia Greenfield, who led the research, believes that this shows 'a shift in society away from living in small communities in a rural environment towards materialistic urban living.'  In other words we've all become more self-centred and prefer to look after Number One.  Now why am  not surprised?

This investigation, published in  Psychological Science journal, also involved more than one million books published in the US during the same  200 year period, including popular fiction and text books. Interestingly, Professor Greenfield used  a very modern approach - Google's word count tool, the Ngram Viewer, which can count word frequencies in millions of books in less than a second.
I wonder what Elizabeth Bennet would make of that?



7 comments:

Francie...The Scented Cottage Studio said...

I'm betting "responsibility" isn't used much either.
Our society is taking a BIG turn for the worse imho.
Trying to get things back to normal here!

Guernsey Girl said...

Lovely to hear from you, Francie. Glad things are getting better - you deserve it!!

Linda Mitchelmore said...

Ah yes, the 'no' word....I'm not good at using it either. This coming week I am out to lunch, twice, and both invites I didn't feel I could say 'no' to. The first is a 'Duty' lunch as it is family, the second is a considered 'Choice' lunch as I have empathy with the person asking me and my emotions wouldn't let me say 'no'. My daughter is trying to instil into her children that duty to family has to come before personal pleasure sometimes.....but it is hard in this day and age.

Guernsey Girl said...

I'm glad we agree on this, Linda. Saying no without feeling guilty is extremely difficult. Let's hope that the next generation manage to find a compromise.... :)

Barbara said...

I am hopeless when it comes to saying no. I just feel so damned guilty and spend the next umpteen months (years) trying to make up for it.

sarah-jane down the lane said...

Fascinating, I am reflecting on this and probably will be for several days! However, I feel it my "duty" to thank you for bringing it to our attention! I like to think of duty as a kindness, when I do, I find it easier to bear a duty that might, at first, seem unappealing. I suppose my mantra is "no regrets" I always want to look back on the day "feeling" I didn't duck anything.When I do decline an invitation to do something, it is normally greeted with real shock...I try really hard to be truthful as to why but often I haven't worked that out myself until much later...
Sarah --x--

Guernsey Girl said...

Now I'm reflecting on your reflecting, Sarah... I really like the idea of duty as a kindness, it's a much rounder and more meaningful word. It has taken me a long time to realise that we just don't have time for regrets. Thanks for your comments and to Barbara, too 'guilty' is a word I too manage to carry around!